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Fear of Intimacy

Patient

I was blindly chanting the affirmations for the last few days:

I release the part that ignores her”.

“I align with that part that loves her deeply and totally

I was surprised that I had been ignoring not only my wife, but in the past, my mother, my sister and my ex-girl-friend too. I think that’s why I had a break-up with my ex-girl-friend. I used to think she left me. Now, I realize I am the reason behind it.

Anyway, how do you know I was ignoring my wife?

Naran

The part that reacts to outside world (say, blaming others for your problems) is your outer-self.

The part that witnesses your outbursts is another self, which does the watching game and is the inner-self. Even when you react negatively, the inner-self is not worried. It keeps quiet.

When you keep releasing, you will go deeper and deeper and eventually you will touch the silent-self, which is beyond positive and negative.

Now, you have touched the silent-self for a little while. Because of that you have found out the truth that it’s your wife who’s reacting to you. So when you change, she will change too.

Now answering to your question, “How do you know I was ignoring my wife?”

Ignoring our loved ones shows we have a fear of intimacy – afraid to get closer to loved ones. Therefore, we use conflicts to get away from our loved ones, exhibiting our fear of intimacy.

Keep doing the affirmations for some more time, so that you will understand better and better how you are culprit behind your problems. In a way, this will stop your blaming (WILLOW) and make you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

This way, you will be empowered to take charge of your life.

Related Blogs:

Learn to manage your fears: http://wp.me/pwblL-3G

Fear manifests what we do not want: http://wp.me/ptUMq-3O

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Husband threatens to kill me

Sam

Joe told me that her husband has friends in Facebook and spends most of the time with them. He hardly finds time for her. If she questions him, he tries to beat her.

Joe once told me that her husband threatened to kill her with a knife. Knowing her husband, who is a friendly and Joe a nagging person, I didn’t take her statement seriously back then. May be it would have happened out of frustration from her husband’s side than trying to kill her.

So, I consulted Naran as this case is a complex one.

Naran

Ask her to do the following exercise. No remedies will work for her, unless she does it.

Ask her to affirm as many times as possible, “I release the part that ignores him. I align with that part that loves him deeply and totally”.

In fact, this exercise can be done by all couples.

Go away from my life

Savi

As you said, I am chanting “TOGETHER DIVINE” and “REVERSE BOW CONCEDE”, but with no use. He just tells me to go away from his life. He always tells that.

You had asked me to analyze what is that in me that makes me quarrel with him. I was deeply hurt by him emotionally on more than 5 occasions that wounds have not healed at all.

So whenever he tells me something with kind of hatred, all those bad memories come back to me.

But the problem is not exactly that. He always tries to pick on something to create a dispute. Be it his fault or mine, it points towards me and each time he says that “I don’t need you, go away from my life”.

Due to recurring fights, now I have become numb towards all these.

He doesn’t allow me to go for work even though I have done my masters and currently doing my Ph.D. He doesn’t give me any money at all and I don’t need that too, I don’t ask for it.

He is a kind of “passive aggressive husband”. I don’t know why he is like this.

I love him a lot and I don’t want to leave him coz I think that he loves me too. I am really desperate to get out of this situation. I want peace and love in my family.

He is not talking and he does not have food from home – this is what he does when we have fights. But this time it’s been 3 weeks now.

I will be able to handle the future, coz if I remain calm then the fight would be lesser (actually I was doing this for the past 1 year).

Naran

It is quite surprising when you say you love him.

But you are not able to forget the wounds. As long as you nurse and nurture these emotional hurts, you can never have harmony (in marriage).

If you want to be with him and really love him why do you expect love from him?

First give (it to him).

Give profusely from the heart.

Find out why you love him. Find those qualities in him that makes you love him. Thank him for that.

You are writing this from your point of view. You have already decided that he is a passive aggressive husband.

If that is so, he cannot take initiative towards harmony. If you don’t bow or concede you can never have the life you want.

What should I do to get harmony?

Go all out and give love.

What should I not do to get harmony?

Stop your blaming tendencies.

Stop the feeling that you are hurt.

 It is important for you to be in love than to be right. 

Each day think about ways and means by which you can re-associate emotionally.

Your resistance (to love) is your enemy.

Change your heart first to change his heart.

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