How can we give up thinking about future as we see so many broken and unhappy marriages in my surroundings? So, this kind of fear comes.
When a thought comes, check the mind by saying, “If this thought gives me fear, why don’t I release this?”
“Can I release this?”
Just say “I let go this thought which gives me fear”.
You can also ask another question, “What thought gives me fearlessness?”
Come with as many thoughts as possible.
When a thought that gives you safety or trust appears, welcome it and release it.
It is a game! Play!!
As you said, I am chanting “TOGETHER DIVINE” and “REVERSE BOW CONCEDE”, but with no use. He just tells me to go away from his life. He always tells that.
You had asked me to analyze what is that in me that makes me quarrel with him. I was deeply hurt by him emotionally on more than 5 occasions that wounds have not healed at all.
So whenever he tells me something with kind of hatred, all those bad memories come back to me.
But the problem is not exactly that. He always tries to pick on something to create a dispute. Be it his fault or mine, it points towards me and each time he says that “I don’t need you, go away from my life”.
Due to recurring fights, now I have become numb towards all these.
He doesn’t allow me to go for work even though I have done my masters and currently doing my Ph.D. He doesn’t give me any money at all and I don’t need that too, I don’t ask for it.
He is a kind of “passive aggressive husband”. I don’t know why he is like this.
I love him a lot and I don’t want to leave him coz I think that he loves me too. I am really desperate to get out of this situation. I want peace and love in my family.
He is not talking and he does not have food from home – this is what he does when we have fights. But this time it’s been 3 weeks now.
I will be able to handle the future, coz if I remain calm then the fight would be lesser (actually I was doing this for the past 1 year).
It is quite surprising when you say you love him.
But you are not able to forget the wounds. As long as you nurse and nurture these emotional hurts, you can never have harmony (in marriage).
If you want to be with him and really love him why do you expect love from him?
First give (it to him).
Give profusely from the heart.
Find out why you love him. Find those qualities in him that makes you love him. Thank him for that.
You are writing this from your point of view. You have already decided that he is a passive aggressive husband.
If that is so, he cannot take initiative towards harmony. If you don’t bow or concede you can never have the life you want.
What should I do to get harmony?
Go all out and give love.
What should I not do to get harmony?
Stop your blaming tendencies.
Stop the feeling that you are hurt.
It is important for you to be in love than to be right.
Each day think about ways and means by which you can re-associate emotionally.
Your resistance (to love) is your enemy.
Change your heart first to change his heart.