Blog Archives

Fear of Intimacy

Patient

I was blindly chanting the affirmations for the last few days:

I release the part that ignores her”.

“I align with that part that loves her deeply and totally

I was surprised that I had been ignoring not only my wife, but in the past, my mother, my sister and my ex-girl-friend too. I think that’s why I had a break-up with my ex-girl-friend. I used to think she left me. Now, I realize I am the reason behind it.

Anyway, how do you know I was ignoring my wife?

Naran

The part that reacts to outside world (say, blaming others for your problems) is your outer-self.

The part that witnesses your outbursts is another self, which does the watching game and is the inner-self. Even when you react negatively, the inner-self is not worried. It keeps quiet.

When you keep releasing, you will go deeper and deeper and eventually you will touch the silent-self, which is beyond positive and negative.

Now, you have touched the silent-self for a little while. Because of that you have found out the truth that it’s your wife who’s reacting to you. So when you change, she will change too.

Now answering to your question, “How do you know I was ignoring my wife?”

Ignoring our loved ones shows we have a fear of intimacy – afraid to get closer to loved ones. Therefore, we use conflicts to get away from our loved ones, exhibiting our fear of intimacy.

Keep doing the affirmations for some more time, so that you will understand better and better how you are culprit behind your problems. In a way, this will stop your blaming (WILLOW) and make you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

This way, you will be empowered to take charge of your life.

Related Blogs:

Learn to manage your fears: http://wp.me/pwblL-3G

Fear manifests what we do not want: http://wp.me/ptUMq-3O

Only person who can tolerate my wife

Naran

Husband thinks so. If you ask his wife, she will say that she is the only person who can tolerate her husband. I am talking about the couple I know here.

Both of them were consulting me for more than a year. They followed my instructions sincerely. Yet, the situation remained the same – they were continuing to fight with each other.

Then one day a miracle happened. The husband saw the blog I had earlier posted in WordPress: http://wp.me/ptUIO-2f.

He simply took the statement from the post – “I am not the doer. Divine is the doer”, as an affirmation and continued to chant it.

After few days of chanting his anger came down and felt his wife has born in this world for his sake, thanks to the divine, so that necessary healing can happen for him, and thereby his karma is nullified.

We might give remedies and healing techniques. Only divine decides which one will work. Divine’s way is too mysterious for us to comprehend in one lifetime!!!

Go away from my life

Savi

As you said, I am chanting “TOGETHER DIVINE” and “REVERSE BOW CONCEDE”, but with no use. He just tells me to go away from his life. He always tells that.

You had asked me to analyze what is that in me that makes me quarrel with him. I was deeply hurt by him emotionally on more than 5 occasions that wounds have not healed at all.

So whenever he tells me something with kind of hatred, all those bad memories come back to me.

But the problem is not exactly that. He always tries to pick on something to create a dispute. Be it his fault or mine, it points towards me and each time he says that “I don’t need you, go away from my life”.

Due to recurring fights, now I have become numb towards all these.

He doesn’t allow me to go for work even though I have done my masters and currently doing my Ph.D. He doesn’t give me any money at all and I don’t need that too, I don’t ask for it.

He is a kind of “passive aggressive husband”. I don’t know why he is like this.

I love him a lot and I don’t want to leave him coz I think that he loves me too. I am really desperate to get out of this situation. I want peace and love in my family.

He is not talking and he does not have food from home – this is what he does when we have fights. But this time it’s been 3 weeks now.

I will be able to handle the future, coz if I remain calm then the fight would be lesser (actually I was doing this for the past 1 year).

Naran

It is quite surprising when you say you love him.

But you are not able to forget the wounds. As long as you nurse and nurture these emotional hurts, you can never have harmony (in marriage).

If you want to be with him and really love him why do you expect love from him?

First give (it to him).

Give profusely from the heart.

Find out why you love him. Find those qualities in him that makes you love him. Thank him for that.

You are writing this from your point of view. You have already decided that he is a passive aggressive husband.

If that is so, he cannot take initiative towards harmony. If you don’t bow or concede you can never have the life you want.

What should I do to get harmony?

Go all out and give love.

What should I not do to get harmony?

Stop your blaming tendencies.

Stop the feeling that you are hurt.

 It is important for you to be in love than to be right. 

Each day think about ways and means by which you can re-associate emotionally.

Your resistance (to love) is your enemy.

Change your heart first to change his heart.

My husband never talks to me

Sasi

My husband never talks to me lot but talks to other girls and women.

When we go to function he shares all his works to other women which he has not told me. If I call him to any place he says no time, but spend time for his mom and his sisters.

I want my husband to respect me and share only to me.

Naran

Do you respect your husband?

Sasi

Yes I respect him, help him a lot and I tell all the things to him before he asks or others tell him.

But many a times I have come to know about him from others – business or family matters. Only if I ask him he will say. I feel hurt at that time.

He wants me to invite his brother and sis-in-law, but argues with me and starts a fight. But never ask them a word if they talk false of me.

Naran

Do the forgiving exercise.

Write TOGETHER DIVINE daily 100 times and 11 times with the left hand (if you are a right-hander)

Please check out this blog: http://findlifeanswers.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/i-deserve-respect/

Conflict Resolution

Blogs by Naran S Balakumar

Resolving Conflicts with Your Spouse: http://healbyswitchword.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/resolving-conflict-with-your-spouse/

Getting out of Troubled Waters: http://healbyanimalspirits.wordpress.com/2009/04/17/jelly-fish-for-troubled-water/

My husband threw me out: http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2011/02/09/my-husband-drives-me-nuts/

I feel small, when he criticizes me: http://healbyrule.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/i-feel-small-when-he-criticizes-me-%e2%80%93-a-case-history/

Art of convincing your spouse and children: http://healbyanimalspirits.wordpress.com/2011/02/09/wolf-my-pal/

Issues in Family

Blogs by Naran S Balakumar

Heal your Family Life: http://healbygems.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/heal-your-family-life-through-gem-remedies/

Sometimes a ring is a hindrance in a marriage: http://healbygems.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/sometimes-a-ring-is-a-hindrance-in-a-marriage/

When you break the Connection things get better: http://healbyreiki.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/healing-others-by-breaking-our-connection-to-them/

No news about our sister, who was married to a NRI: http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/didn%e2%80%99t-hear-from-my-sister-in-dubai/

I am afraid my husband mayn’t approve of my decision:  http://healbyrule.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/watch-out/

%d bloggers like this: