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Harmony packed for marriage
Roopa
My husband keeps complains that in this world, “Everyone hates me. I have no good friends, relatives. Because everyone tries to take advantage of me, I keep away from my relatives and friends”.
Also, my husband does not like me inviting anyone on the weekends, meet anyone outside and visit any of my relatives or friends house. He insults me and abuses me in front of others.
Knowing this some of my friends does not want to visit my house as they cannot take what my husband does to me. Literally, I have no one visiting my new house.
I do not know what to do. Can you suggest something?
Naran
Chant “BEECH, WILLOW, HOLLY, AGRIMONY, CHERRY PLUM”
Explanation
Beech, Willow, Holly, Agrimony, and Cherry Plum are Bach Flower Remedies. This is one of the combinations – HARMONY PACK, I suggest for finding harmony within one’s family.
Fault-finding: BEECH
Blaming others for one’s problems: WILLOW
Intense rage and suspicions’ about some members in the family: HOLLY
Seeking peace: AGRIMONY
Not to lose control: CHERRY PLUM
Go away from my life
Savi
As you said, I am chanting “TOGETHER DIVINE” and “REVERSE BOW CONCEDE”, but with no use. He just tells me to go away from his life. He always tells that.
You had asked me to analyze what is that in me that makes me quarrel with him. I was deeply hurt by him emotionally on more than 5 occasions that wounds have not healed at all.
So whenever he tells me something with kind of hatred, all those bad memories come back to me.
But the problem is not exactly that. He always tries to pick on something to create a dispute. Be it his fault or mine, it points towards me and each time he says that “I don’t need you, go away from my life”.
Due to recurring fights, now I have become numb towards all these.
He doesn’t allow me to go for work even though I have done my masters and currently doing my Ph.D. He doesn’t give me any money at all and I don’t need that too, I don’t ask for it.
He is a kind of “passive aggressive husband”. I don’t know why he is like this.
I love him a lot and I don’t want to leave him coz I think that he loves me too. I am really desperate to get out of this situation. I want peace and love in my family.
He is not talking and he does not have food from home – this is what he does when we have fights. But this time it’s been 3 weeks now.
I will be able to handle the future, coz if I remain calm then the fight would be lesser (actually I was doing this for the past 1 year).
Naran
It is quite surprising when you say you love him.
But you are not able to forget the wounds. As long as you nurse and nurture these emotional hurts, you can never have harmony (in marriage).
If you want to be with him and really love him why do you expect love from him?
First give (it to him).
Give profusely from the heart.
Find out why you love him. Find those qualities in him that makes you love him. Thank him for that.
You are writing this from your point of view. You have already decided that he is a passive aggressive husband.
If that is so, he cannot take initiative towards harmony. If you don’t bow or concede you can never have the life you want.
What should I do to get harmony?
Go all out and give love.
What should I not do to get harmony?
Stop your blaming tendencies.
Stop the feeling that you are hurt.
It is important for you to be in love than to be right.
Each day think about ways and means by which you can re-associate emotionally.
Your resistance (to love) is your enemy.
Change your heart first to change his heart.
Marriage Mantri 
Good Spouse vs. Bad Spouse
Jun 6
Posted by Naran S Balakumar
Bad Spouse
Kavita
My husband has started defaming me on social networking sites now.Please let me know if I’ll ever be able to win back his lost love for me?
Naran
Do the forgiving exercise for him
Download a picture of Emerald and keep it under the pillow.
Chant AGRIMONY CRAB APPLE ADJUST TOGETHER CHANGE NOW
Good Spouse
D
At the end of a life of total sacrifice and devotion to her partner in dharma, didn’t mother Sita cry in anguish and say ‘Mother take me into your lap. I can’t take this anymore!!!’, till mother earth parted to gather her pain.
This was in spite of having the most revered person Sri Rama as her husband and it being a world of Truth (Satya Yug)!
If it is ball comes that comes back as pain and suffering (or joy and happiness) what ball did mother Sita throw?
She is referring, “Have a Ball of Love”: http://togetherrelationship.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/have-a-ball-of-love/ here.
Naran
The wonderful question!
Rama and Sita, yes they loved each other very intensely. Nothing can separate them. They had so much of trust in each other.
Then why did Rama deport Sita just for the sake of one dhobi (washer man) who questioned the chastity of Sita.
Is it because Ram also had the same doubt about Sita in him? No! It is a categorical no.
Rama’s love for Sita was so total and complete – we can also say they both represent the ideal husband wife relationship – that he could not have an iota of doubt at all.
Then why did he deport Sita to her utter dismay?
Rama was the one person who could understand the mass psychology better than anybody else.
Had he ignored the comment of the dhobi, thinking, “I know better? My Sita is beyond all this”, how many false stories would have been concocted, down the history tarnishing the image of Sita!
Because Ram did not want this to happen, he took the harsh decision against his own will.
For Rama, protecting Sita’s character was more important. Can anyone bear if his wife is blamed as characterless?
Think how tormented he would have been, before taking the decision.
Rama had total trust in her. He is happily bearing all the blames people have been inflicting on him, just for the sake of his love for Sita.
Sita’s name is more important for which he sacrificed his name, taking the blame on him. Rama’s action is the vindication of Divine love.
On the day of SRI RAMA NAVAMI (19-4-2013), let us have the blessing of the most Divine couple Sita and Rama SRI RAM JAYA RAM JAYA JAYA RAM.
Final Note
Look at the plight of the lady who has asked me a question. How much torture she would have gone through, when her own husband writes badly about her, in social websites?
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