I am in a relationship since last five years. I really like him very much with many ups and downs and many adverse conditions. I have been his constant supporter.
He too loves me but we are not able to bring forward this relationship into marriage as he is stocked in his divorce case. He is married since last eight years and his wife left him as she does not want to get married and was forced by parents.
He is fighting for divorce but now she wants a large amount of money to give divorce. Due to all this things he gets demotivated and he thinks my life is being spoiled. He step backs at times.
I am really tired of this behavior and I feel bad when he steps back.
Please help me with some switch word or mantra so that we both get together and our problems get sorted out.
Chant “CLOUDS TOGETHER DIVINE NOW”
Like clouds that bring rains (happiness), let your life be filled with love and prosperity.
As you said, I am chanting “TOGETHER DIVINE” and “REVERSE BOW CONCEDE”, but with no use. He just tells me to go away from his life. He always tells that.
You had asked me to analyze what is that in me that makes me quarrel with him. I was deeply hurt by him emotionally on more than 5 occasions that wounds have not healed at all.
So whenever he tells me something with kind of hatred, all those bad memories come back to me.
But the problem is not exactly that. He always tries to pick on something to create a dispute. Be it his fault or mine, it points towards me and each time he says that “I don’t need you, go away from my life”.
Due to recurring fights, now I have become numb towards all these.
He doesn’t allow me to go for work even though I have done my masters and currently doing my Ph.D. He doesn’t give me any money at all and I don’t need that too, I don’t ask for it.
He is a kind of “passive aggressive husband”. I don’t know why he is like this.
I love him a lot and I don’t want to leave him coz I think that he loves me too. I am really desperate to get out of this situation. I want peace and love in my family.
He is not talking and he does not have food from home – this is what he does when we have fights. But this time it’s been 3 weeks now.
I will be able to handle the future, coz if I remain calm then the fight would be lesser (actually I was doing this for the past 1 year).
It is quite surprising when you say you love him.
But you are not able to forget the wounds. As long as you nurse and nurture these emotional hurts, you can never have harmony (in marriage).
If you want to be with him and really love him why do you expect love from him?
First give (it to him).
Give profusely from the heart.
Find out why you love him. Find those qualities in him that makes you love him. Thank him for that.
You are writing this from your point of view. You have already decided that he is a passive aggressive husband.
If that is so, he cannot take initiative towards harmony. If you don’t bow or concede you can never have the life you want.
What should I do to get harmony?
Go all out and give love.
What should I not do to get harmony?
Stop your blaming tendencies.
Stop the feeling that you are hurt.
It is important for you to be in love than to be right.
Each day think about ways and means by which you can re-associate emotionally.
Your resistance (to love) is your enemy.
Change your heart first to change his heart.
WITH means is to be compatible with the opposite or concerned person.
Chant the switch words, “TOGETHER DIVINE WITH … (Name of the person)” when you want the other person to agree with you.
When you want a harmonious atmosphere chant CLEAR TOGETHER DIVINE WITH. If you chant this switch word combination, the atmosphere will change beautifully.
Don’t bother about the names of the persons who need harmony. Just chant CLEAR TOGETHER DIVINE WITH. Still it works beautifully.
At the subconscious level of the mind there is no ‘you’ and ‘me’. Everything is one. At the subconscious level there is no differentiation, all are one.
The difference is because of the body, and of the mind’s association with the body. That’s why we see the difference between each other
Bach Flower Remedies
Resolving the destructive tendencies – if relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:
- AGRIMONY for open communication
- BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance
- WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive
- WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising
- CHERRY PLUM not to burst out
- HOLLY for suspicion and back biting
- CHICORY to give and not to force one
From the introduction of Inner Smile CD: “We normally ignore our organs. We always take the body for granted. The day when we send our love, our smile to the organs, they become our friends. A friendly relationship with our organs is a must to maintain our harmony outside. If there is conflict or disharmony in others, become silent and send your love to your organs. A weekly listening of the CD will establish harmony in every aspect of our life”.
Rule your Mind
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life? Ask a simple question to yourself.
What do I want?
What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want.
What behavior of mine or my action will take me move towards this goal?
On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?